A Part of My Dream Comes True, The Other Part Being Left to Me to Be Discerned, Dreamt, and Believed (Again)
I keep telling this to they who asked me about my feeling once I came back from Cambodia attending MAGIS JCAP 2017. Being in Cambodia was such a dream comes true, even though only a little part of it. I feel really blessed for the opportunity to go there. At first, I did not register during the open recruitment. I actually really wanted to go, but I considered my condition that I have had a job now. Even if the event will take time during the Christmas holiday, I still couldn’t go because the holiday for the worker is not that long. But later on I regretted my decision to not take the chance. I told to myself, “If you want something, fight for it and let the universe determine whether you will get it or not. But now it seems that it is me who easily giving up on the thing that I really want.” Therefore, once Fr. John (the coordinator of Magis Indonesia) told me that it’s still possible to register, despite the result I quickly filled up the participation form and submit. Several days later I was invited to the first preparation meeting.
Registering and being invited to the meeting actually didn’t guarantee me to be able to go to Cambodia, because at that first meeting I was told about the funding of Magis Indonesia, that Magis Indonesia had not enough money to subsidy those who would go to Cambodia. The choice was either to fully pay on our own or to find some generous benefactors. Since it was impossible to choose the first one because I just graduated from college about a year ago and now still financially unstable, so my friends and I chose the second one, which was to find the benefactors.
It was a challenging thing: to approach and to negotiate with the benefactors. I often got stressed realizing that the money was still not enough, but Father John always tells us that we only need to give our maximum effort and let the result determined by God. In short, we finally made it. We went to Cambodia.
For me personally, the most memorable and touching experience is during the immersion. My immersion was in Sisophon, Xavier Jesuit School. This was the point when I really felt that my dreams did come true. I knew this school long before in 2016. At that time, the school was not officially open yet. I heard that they needed volunteers to join the team. Then I applied for it, and after some email correspondent and Skype interview, I was accepted to join the team. I still need to find the guarantor to support my resident visa. At this point my parents, especially my mom knew my plan and she forbade me to go. At that time, I’ve just graduated from college, and she asked me to get a job. I felt disappointed with my parents. I mean, I wanted to do good thing, but why they did not allow me to do that. I needed more days to recover from this disappointment. In the end I went to work, up until now.
So then, the experience during my immersion in Sisophon (Magis JCAP 2017) made me feel really amazing once I stood in front of the main building of the school. I stood between “believe” and “disbelief” condition. “Am I really here?” At that moment, it seemed that someone talked to me, “This is the place where you want to go last year. Do you still have that heart desire?”
Then I realized that after I’ve failed to go for volunteering program, I just did the ‘go with the flow’ life as a worker. Five days in a week I’m going to work, taking some additional jobs in the weekends, going to cinema, music concert and vacation once in a while, but I didn’t have a big dream to fight for. I’ve buried all my dreams as my own parents rejected them. The moment when I stood again in front of the main building of Xavier Jesuit School was the moment when I got the offer to dream that big dream again.
The other moment that made me felt so grateful was once when I joined the gardening class in the Xavier Jesuit School.
After we met the school principle and headmaster, our immersion group were divided into four small groups to join the different classes. I joined the gardening class. After helping the kids to water their plants, some kids asked me how to say some words in Indonesian language, and when we had to leave the class, one of the kids asked me “Teacher, when will you come back here? Will you come again tomorrow?” I could not answer that question because we only had this time to visit the school. The next day we would have other activities in another places. The girl walked with us to the main building while keep asking when would we back here again. Soon I heard that voice again, “Does your heart still have that desire to come back here?”
Some Dreams Are Coming True, Some Needs to Be Fought and Believed
After getting back from Cambodia, I talked to my parents that there was a chance for me to go to Cambodia and work there as a volunteer. To my surprise, the first thing they asked to me was “how much they will pay you?” Soon they said their disagreement after I’ve said that it would be a voluntary work, and there would only a small amount of allowance would be given to me. The question, “God, I just want to do good thing, why is it so hard to get the consent from my parents?” hit me again. Sometimes I think whether being a volunteer is a wrong decision or not. And I still don’t know the answer of this question for me personally.
One thing that I realized was whatever will happen, I just need to do the effort in maximum power, believe and pray. Just like the fact that I didn’t have money at all but I could make a way to Cambodia. The point from my journey to Cambodia was there, we had the burning sun during daylight, and freezing cold in the night. The road was so dusty. But all the extreme conditions had taught me to dream again. To believe the power of the dream itself.
Now, I’m still trying to communicate with my parents and my family so hopefully this year they will let me learn something by being a volunteer. One last thing I want to say, “Cambodia had made me aware of my dream and my deepest desire again. Yes, I know where my heart is.”
Geny Anggara Pramana Jati
Berasal dari Wonogiri, Jawa Tengah, dan tinggal di Yogyakarta untuk saat ini.
“Berproses bersama Magis itu mengajak saya menyadari bahwa hidup ini terlalu indah untuk dijalani begitu saja dan terlalu banyak jika disimpan untuk diri sendiri. Maka saya di sini (Magis) karena hidup yang indah harus dibagi-bagi.”